1:25 AM - what i get as b'day presents this year?
Current mood: cheerful

apathetic: having or showing little or no feeling or emotion, having little or no interest or concern; being indifferent.

this thing that we have between us cease to exist. needn't you to worry who's fault it is or whatnot, it is over. it is not how you put it, you can't maintain what we had. the sovereignty between us that we've maintain crumbled down infront of us. the gap that has grown the past months, is too wide for neither of us to fill. don't you feel the void now? i am through with all this drama-rama that you forcefully drag me into. i don't want you to make me justify what you do to be right or wrong. you are old enough, and i hope mature enough, to judge yourself of what is right and wrong. i am not your acting-mother in this.

i have never question you in what you do, don't try to interpret me in a different light. i have mind my own business, you always think i don't. whatever you approach my actions are your own, the consequences are your own creation as well. don't put the blame on me when you're the one who approach me to begin with. don't think i hate you i don't, i might despise you now but you have many times falsely accused me as well. those accusations i've forgiven you. you have taken myself to be a scapegoat to your problems at times, but i'm tired of this SHIT that you give me. i have the very right to refuse. so here i am cutting the ties with you, when i do i never, not even slightly, turn my head to the past. i'm not joking, when you loose my trust so many times, i won't give you this 100th chance. whatever confidential i've told you you have always somehow leak it out and create problem for me, don't blame anyone for my mistrust in you. i'm done with this so-called-frienship of yours, don't you try to hide behind someone else and make me to be the BITCH of this problem, stand tall on your ground.

you always thought you knew what i was thinking, you are WRONG. you have always interpret my actions the way you want it to be, accordingly it most often false. i don't believe you would stoop so low to show your crocodile tears. you have change, not to the better but to the worst. what? you want to play dumb with me? your words and actions are two separate things, it shows how your heart and your mind are not together as well. to tell lies to your "best-friend", some friend you are. i don't care for you to lie to me anymore, i let you lead me on to believe though i am not blind folded, i see through your actions. your eyes tells me differently, you really think i would be fooled? you have been so disrespectful to someone who is important to me's belongings.

you always judge me on things that i do, you pint-point my faults infront of everybody and i stay quiet. do i ever have to pint-point your faults? i do that in confident of close doors and only you. that too, i would never have done so because i know you know what is right and what is wrong. well, your words and opinions mean nothing to me, so save your breath and stay away from my personal affairs from now on, if you interpret this as jealousy in any way, don't make me laugh that is a foolish predicament. i have no such thing for you, i have never had seen you in a romatic way. i have only seen you as a brother. no more then that and now because i cut my ties with you, this is personal problems and so i won't carry this to church. i am grateful that you were one of my close friends in the past, without you i wouldn't have met someone that is so dear to me now. but the past is the past, since then you have hurt me enough. i don't need more drama than i already have, what you want from me isn't friendship, you have use me enough, so this is GOODBYE.

aaahhh >.< college life is a blast!! I did all my hwks already so I'm laid  back, heehee even the reading..sooooo easssiieeeee..I love this picking your own classes, and no one to push you to take the "next higher" more "advanced" classes because they think you oughta do! [ironic] SO EASY..MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA..first day of school was cool, my english class was only 20 minutes..mwahahaha..the teacher was like "okai, so any other q's? no? good, let's call it a day" *walk out of the door* i was a bit stunned, but after that i was just oh well..

i'm living with friend/cozn, Imel, it's cool the two of us y'know in a lil tiny one bedroom house with two dogs, a doberman and a police K-nine dog..it's just so great how they're about my size if they stands on their two feet. she's a sophomore in high school who lives alone, i'm a freshman in college in need of a place to crash. it all works out. heehee, so i'm living in LomaLinda now! it's tiny and still is messy, but i'm getting there on cleaning the house..ahahahahhaha

so yeah, my parents are scattered, daddy is living in riverside, mom is still living in grand terrace. sister is the same she's in london still. it's just great how the four of us live in different areas, even different ZIP CODES! oh well, whatever works. I'm unemployed again, so i need a job. I think I'm going to apply to work at school, w/e works.

My car is broken, it's been in the shop for a decade [a week] long!! argh!! that car is like, my life! oh well, i guess i can't do anything about it, but HOW AM I GOING TO SCHOOL?!?!?! dangit! we'll see I'll work something out..i guess..well, i think i'm a get ready for church soon or sleep again since it's still early. well, i ttyl and keep in touch with you guys again later. i'm happier now. my cozn kept me laughing, and we're taking the same kinda math..HAHAHAHA, just different names: ALGEBRA 2 = COLLEGE ALGEBRA. so yeah..it's cool helping each other out..she's as lazy as me though, that's not the good part..hahaha..

OH! my hunnie is back from Canada so I'm glad to..heehee, i'm happy!! yay, he's back in town. =D I'm having smiles, my friends are all in csusb, with a few exceptions [w/e i know most of them are scattered], so i'm all smiles about that too! =D coz i get to see them in school [okai, maybe not all of them, i know let me be in denial]. so yeah..well, take care you guys!

much wuvv,

Icha S.